My Oldest Daughter

I friend called me this afternoon. He wanted to talk about my daughter's blog and about her late friend Ray. He was so impressed with the way she could write her story, the way she made him feel like he was along with them as they explored their world. Ironically she constantly tells me that she wishes she could write well. My freind couldn't get over what a free spirit she is, how confident she is. He talked like he had found a rare gem.





This posting is not to boast about my kid though you find that hard to believe at this point.





It is this. People are horrified even at the thought of being rediculed, ostracized, scoffed at. This fear is magnified many times over when you are seventeen. Kids can even deal with parents brutally opposing them but not their classmates and buddies. This is worse than death.





My daughter's friend was troubled as a teenager years ago and never recovered. He wasn't popular in high school. My daughter on the other hand was very popular. When she became homecoming queen she chose Ray to escort her for the school festivities with teachers protesting that it was poor taste. I am so proud of her because she has always understood that people are very much alike regardless of their social standing. Perhaps that is what scares people about themselves. Some of her friends wanted to shun her friend and others that didn't meet their standards. She stuck to her guns. Everyone was welcome around her. Some couldn't deal with it. I suppose that is OK. We hang out with those we choose.





He died too young not yet forty. No one was surprised after all, it was just old Ray.
He learned much from my daughter. She learned more from him. Someone once said, "wisdom is often found in rags." His own two daughters are very well adjusted. He taught them that they were homecoming queens. They are.





The punch line:


We as teachers tend to be followers. I suppose we have little choice since the mandates come down from the national level. We need to have the courage to step out when possible and encourage kids to be individuals. Maybe we need to do tougher role play to teach them how to resist peer pressure, to be who we were made to be. Perhaps kids could find the courage to split with the group from time to time. What greater lesson is there than to learn how to be truly free. In a time when schools more frequently than not teach that decisions should be made as a group, is there anyone left to point a child in the direction of freedon?